When does one say "I have a boyfriend"?

Posted by Sedruce at 2:38am Jan 18 '07
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Situation: not long ago, this guy came through the lab and responded to my usual greeting (eye contact and a smile) with a remark about my smile being able to stop a man's heart. Totally made my day, mind you, I LOVE being randomly flattered (cuz let's face it, for a stranger to get up the guts to randomly compliment you, you have to deserve it). Most of my lab patrons don't come in too habitually or anything, he's come in every night I've worked since he remarked on my smile (which is only 2 nights...but still! lol). Nothing eventful, just more passing remarks ("ah, that smile again!"), and tonight we had a VERY brief dialog that consisted of him asking if my hat/scarf set were old or meant to look like that (they're organic and ragged-looking because they're made up of short silk particles woven together into yarn...here's a link to a picture if you're curious what I mean: scarf pic), I told him they're silk, he kind of scoffed (I'm used to this conversation, my winterwear is a great icebreaker...lol), I smiled and said recycled silk, he made some moderately smart-ass remark, I replied with a half-joking, half-serious comment that I think they're made from old kimonos or such. He nodded and then went to a computer and did his whatever and on the way out, I smiled, again, especially since I'm beginning to develop a rapport with this guy and I like being nice. This is where it gets messy. As he walked out, he nervously mumbled that he'd ask for my number if I kept smiling like that--I laughed, caught off guard, and by the time I recovered, he was already gone--he's so adorably nervous around me, the way my boyfriend was before we started going out, I can't help but find him cute (but not in a cheat-on/leave-my-boyfriend kind of way).

Now, aside from the improper order of things (I prefer to know someone's name before their phone number, for one), this is turning into a blatant courtship. I am already courted! I am pissed-on territory, and his nose just can't smell the pee! :P SO! When do I force an opening for the "I have a boyfriend" line?! I figure if he ever does ask for my number, I'll say something like "I already have a boyfriend, but one can never have enough friends" with a smile as I write it down for him--he seems cool, anyone who can get up the balls to talk to someone who makes them as nervous as I seem to make him is someone who deserves a good coffee session at the least. :)

I just don't wanna hurt this guy's feelings too much...so I don't want to "string him along" by not telling him about Sam...and it's not like I'm hiding it. I wear a ring on my left ring finger, Sam comes with me to the labs usually and I KNOW this guy has seen Sam and me being affectionate (not necessarily blatantly bf/gf affectionate because I am at work and therefore restricted in my PDAs)...so it's not like I'm lying to him and intentionally making him think he's got a shot with me, it's just that I haven't yet forced the "I have a boyfriend" line into conversation.

Le sigh. I hate being attractive because I hate situations like this...when I am single, I'm ten times more flirty than when I'm not, and this has lead to me accidentally stringing people along and shattering their little hearts...I don't do it when I'm taken usually (not that it's ever intentional), because my flirting is usually reserved for my SO, but this guy's mistaking friendliness for flirting. Augh...

Bah. Frustration. Why can't men be simpler. Why can't I be polygamous. Why why why. GRR.