Posted by 79 at 11:29am Dec 2 '06she does make the difference between Nice Guy and nice guy. i don't think it sounds embittered or personally frustrated, just frustrated in general.
she doesn't want guys to not be nice, she wants guys to not act like niceness is all there is. and most of the guys who do this do have most or all of the "qualities" she talks about. they tend to be needy and think that because they're Nice, any rejection they get must be because the girl is too stupid to want someone who'll be Nice to her.
especially because Nice Guys are trying to get with a girl, any girl. they'll be Nice to all of them, and expect it should work perfectly fine (remember, they think Niceness is all that *should* matter). so another strike against them that this girl doesn't bring up is that the girl doesn't feel special at all. "i'm with him because he's Nice to me, and he's Nice to me because i don't have a penis" is not too good for someone's pride, much less something to base a relationship on.
i fully agree with her. i don't know if there's a female equivalent - not to such a degree, at least. it is fairly similar to what one of my exes thought....after a while i realized i just didn't feel anything towards her, even thought she [claimed] she loved me (i think she may have loved who she preferred to think i was). after we had a certain conversation, she got all of her friends to leave me messages telling me what a horrible asshole i was to leave someone who loved me, how i could do that to her, etc.
actually, there are more parallels than i'd thought. she was convinced that her loving me should be enough reason for me to stay with her. irrespective of the fact that she really didn't care who i was, only that she could call me from a payphone in the middle of the night saying she'd just run away and what should she do next.
basically, she thought that loving someone meant they were supposed to fix all her problems. which is a pretty fucked up view of relationships, and i think it's part of what the girl in roses' post is talking about.
maybe the other parallel is Nice Guys thinking being Nice is all they have to do, and some girls thinking being hot is all they have to do. but the latter works, because there's more of a mutual understanding of what the relationship is goiing to be. hot airheads aren't trying to find guys who want deep relationships - they're trying to find guys who they can base a plastic/physical/shallow/for-show-socially/etc relationship. but Nice Guys want deep, meaningful relationships (i'd add another generalization and say they're generally romantics - not a bad thing per se, but after high school a relationship does actually have to work in the real world, so being a total romantic is tough). and you can't base a relationship like that just on being Nice. you can't stay up together until 3am just being Nice to each other. you can't just make smalltalk all the time.
guys should be nice to girls (with caveats....another ex of mine liked to say "i don't want you to respect me all the time"), but any guy who fits this Nice Guy description is at best misguided, at worst an unmitigated ass. it doesn't apply to anyone who thinks of himself as "nice," just to guys who think that being Nice is the only important thing, and anyone who thinks otherwise is being stupid.
t she [claimed] she
that's a strike, but i can barely see it. "though" not "thought"
she doesn't want guys to not be nice, she wants guys to not act like niceness is all there is. and most of the guys who do this do have most or all of the "qualities" she talks about. they tend to be needy and think that because they're Nice, any rejection they get must be because the girl is too stupid to want someone who'll be Nice to her.
especially because Nice Guys are trying to get with a girl, any girl. they'll be Nice to all of them, and expect it should work perfectly fine (remember, they think Niceness is all that *should* matter). so another strike against them that this girl doesn't bring up is that the girl doesn't feel special at all. "i'm with him because he's Nice to me, and he's Nice to me because i don't have a penis" is not too good for someone's pride, much less something to base a relationship on.
i fully agree with her. i don't know if there's a female equivalent - not to such a degree, at least. it is fairly similar to what one of my exes thought....after a while i realized i just didn't feel anything towards her, even thought she [claimed] she loved me (i think she may have loved who she preferred to think i was). after we had a certain conversation, she got all of her friends to leave me messages telling me what a horrible asshole i was to leave someone who loved me, how i could do that to her, etc.
actually, there are more parallels than i'd thought. she was convinced that her loving me should be enough reason for me to stay with her. irrespective of the fact that she really didn't care who i was, only that she could call me from a payphone in the middle of the night saying she'd just run away and what should she do next.
basically, she thought that loving someone meant they were supposed to fix all her problems. which is a pretty fucked up view of relationships, and i think it's part of what the girl in roses' post is talking about.
maybe the other parallel is Nice Guys thinking being Nice is all they have to do, and some girls thinking being hot is all they have to do. but the latter works, because there's more of a mutual understanding of what the relationship is goiing to be. hot airheads aren't trying to find guys who want deep relationships - they're trying to find guys who they can base a plastic/physical/shallow/for-show-socially/etc relationship. but Nice Guys want deep, meaningful relationships (i'd add another generalization and say they're generally romantics - not a bad thing per se, but after high school a relationship does actually have to work in the real world, so being a total romantic is tough). and you can't base a relationship like that just on being Nice. you can't stay up together until 3am just being Nice to each other. you can't just make smalltalk all the time.
guys should be nice to girls (with caveats....another ex of mine liked to say "i don't want you to respect me all the time"), but any guy who fits this Nice Guy description is at best misguided, at worst an unmitigated ass. it doesn't apply to anyone who thinks of himself as "nice," just to guys who think that being Nice is the only important thing, and anyone who thinks otherwise is being stupid.
added on 11:30am Dec 2 '06:
even thoughadded on 11:31am Dec 2 '06:
dammit.that's a strike, but i can barely see it. "though" not "thought"
i don't think so.... - 79