I don't know where else to post this...

Posted by shyla at 4:57am Oct 15 '04
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Lately, I've been experiencing that age old "questioning the meaning of life". I have to say...it's a bitch. I never really try to stop and think about why I'm here, why I exist or what I purpose I serve. It's one of those things I try to quench down inside of me because I've always felt it was something that people in some sort of funk or depression focus on...and I definitely don't want to consider myself in a funk or a depressive state of mind. I don't want to consider it of myself and I surely don't want others to consider it of me. But sometimes, I feel like I'm acting. I'm cheery, smiley, simplistic, for people around me, because that's what they want and I know that's what they want. No one wants to hear about how you feel you serve no purpose in life, that you feel life in itself serves no purpose and that just thinking these things fill you with such a sense of blinding emptiness. How's that for ironic? How can you be filled with emptiness?

I know that there are great things accomplished by people that mark the world in a positive way but I think that the majority is greatly diminished by the minority and I know that I fall in the latter category. I know that and accept that. So, it sucks when I think that there is no real reason for anything...that in all of my life, I will only wake up and go to work and maybe have a child who I will feed and clothe, who will then in turn do the same. I will wake up and come in contact with extraordinary people and I will wake up to those extraordinary people being gone.

Ugh. I'm just kidding. Late night ramblings.