Posted by Essie at 11:32am Mar 16 '10In recent threads, I've been seeing a lot of people saying, "I'm not one to judge" or "Not to be judgmental, but" and then proceeding to make a statement disagreeing with the thought, action, motivation, or behavior of the other party.
What I'm curious about is why we feel the need to preface the disagreement, or the thought on the action with the "I'm not judging" clause. I think we pass judgment on things hundreds of time each day. Why is it bad to inform those we disagree with that we disagree with them and why we do so? Does that somehow make us a judgmental person if we have an opinion on someone's actions? Is it to make us feel less guilty about hurting someone's feelings? How about deflecting hypocrisy in our own statement?
Lots of people have said it. Why? To those who have had it said to them, how do you feel when you hear/read that?
Should we listen to our grandmother's adage to not say anything at all if we can't say something nice? Does the no judgement clause redeem the not-niceness of our statement?
What I'm curious about is why we feel the need to preface the disagreement, or the thought on the action with the "I'm not judging" clause. I think we pass judgment on things hundreds of time each day. Why is it bad to inform those we disagree with that we disagree with them and why we do so? Does that somehow make us a judgmental person if we have an opinion on someone's actions? Is it to make us feel less guilty about hurting someone's feelings? How about deflecting hypocrisy in our own statement?
Lots of people have said it. Why? To those who have had it said to them, how do you feel when you hear/read that?
Should we listen to our grandmother's adage to not say anything at all if we can't say something nice? Does the no judgement clause redeem the not-niceness of our statement?